About Me

My relationship with food has been filled with ups and downs. I have gone from too heavy to too light and finally found a place right in the middle where I belong. Today I am happy and healthy. I have finally become comfortable in my own skin and I enjoy life to its fullest every day.

Whoever said High School was fun clearly had a different High School experience than I did. It didn’t start off badly; in fact, my Freshman and Sophomore year were fantastic. I was an incredibly awkward kid, but I had a good set of friends at my side. I was smart, motivated, and ready to take on the world. I was a swimmer through my first three years of school as well as being involved as a photographer for the yearbook and numerous other clubs. I was on top of my own little world.

I grew in San Diego, California with my wonderful parents and my younger sister, Celeste. I lived on jumbo sized California Burritos and huge portions of otherwise healthy food. I knew nothing about proper nutrition and I didn’t particularly care. I was completely out of touch with my body and I never truly learned how to feel full and stop eating. I had no idea that I was anything other than thin so until my Junior year of high school, I ate whatever I wanted and didn’t care about the consequences. I started putting on weight pretty rapidly during my Junior year, but it was hardly of any importance to me.

It was toward the end of Junior year that everything changed.

That year I was taking a Physiology class. It was the first time I had every heard that 3500 calories equal a pound. It was the first time I ever learned my BMI. It was the first time I ever attempted to lose weight. In fact, my weight loss was initially the result of a bet. I bet my friends that I could lose 8 pounds in a week. With the help of strict calorie counting I ended up losing 7 pounds that week, effectively losing the bet, but sparking something much more powerful in me. For the time being, I sank back in to my old eating habits, but the idea of weight loss always lingered in the back of my mind.

As I began my Senior year of high school, I was still on track to graduate in the top of my class and go off to a well respected college. Then, slowly, the people who I had considered to be my close friends starting pushing me away. I was confused, lost and felt like I had no control over my life. I started focusing all my energy on studying and calorie counting. I began cutting my calories down to a strict 800 per day and indeed, I did begin to lose weight.

It began as 3 pounds, which turned in to 5, which turned in to 10. By the time I graduated, I had lost about 10 pounds and, according to plan, I was headed off to college.

In the Fall of 2007, I began college at the University of San Francisco, one of my first choice schools. At first, I thrived on my new freedom. I was thriving academically and had made many friends. I also sank back in to my old, unhealthy eating habits. Unfortunately, this time there was alcohol. Before I went home for Winter break I had already gained my Freshman 15 thanks to dining hall food and weekends spent partying with friends. By the time I left school for break, I was up to my highest weight of 140 pounds.

When I came back to school from Winter Break, history started repeating itself. Suddenly my “best friends” weren’t speaking to me and I sank in to a depression. The difference between this time and High School was that in San Francisco, I was completely alone. I didn’t have my parents or my sister and I never felt more alone. I took on a full time job to consume my empty time and, though I was not diagnosed, I am sure I fit all the textbook requirements for depression. I completely stopped eating to try and have control over something, anything, in my life.

At the end of the year, I made the difficult decision to withdraw from USF and go back to San Diego. I thought that being home would fix everything. While it was a happier life than my life in San Francisco, my depression still had hold of me and my eating disorder walked hand in hand with it. I enrolled in a community college for the year to try and get my life back on track before returning to a four year university. Community college bored me and I wasn’t challenged. I stopped caring about school and left my grades slip. I never let them slip to the point of failure, but for an A and B student, my constant stream of C’s wasn’t normal.

During this time I completely stopped eating. I would regularly go 3-4 days without eating and then give in and “binge” on 800 calories. The guilt of eating was so overwhelming that I saw no other solution put to purge. I vividly remember one day where I woke up, ran three miles, came home and threw up, ran three more miles, threw up again, and repeated this pattern 3 or 4 times.

I rapidly dropped down to a very thin 109 pounds, classifying me as underweight and quite sick.

I was so hungry and so sad, but in my mind I was positively obese. My size 0 pants needed to be belted, but it wasn’t enough. I was constantly tired and would regularly go to bed at 7:30pm because I was too tired and hungry to go on any longer. By my 19th birthday in November of 2008, I was too weak to socialize with my family and friends on Thanksgiving. I ate a salad and then sat in the corner watching everyone celebrate my birthday for me.

Around New Years of 2009, I decided I was tired of being tired. I was hungry for more than food, I was hungry for happiness. I started dating Steve in March of 2009 after being introduced by our mutual friend.

I fell hard and fast and I was so incredibly happy for the first time in years. During this time, I also enrolled at San Diego State University and began putting effort in to school again. Slowly, my happiness starting pushing my eating disorder out of the picture. I wanted to enjoy food and I wanted to enjoy life. My eating disorder didn’t cure itself, though, it took a lot of hard work and, essentially, mental abuse. I had to completely disrupt my way of thinking, which often left me upset and confused. By the time Steve and I moved in together in October of 2009, I was better, not completely healed, but better. We celebrated our first Christmas together and I turned 20. We were both blissfully happy and comfortable.

We rang in 2010 with a visit to Steve’s family in Colorado and some shocking news. In early 2010, SDSU informed me that since I was a transfer student, they wouldn’t change my major. At this point, I knew that Nutrition was my passion and there was nothing else I wanted to pursue. I fought with SDSU tooth and nail, but they wouldn’t give in. We weighed our options and decided to do what we thought we wouldn’t be able to do until I graduated: move! We spent the next few months looking at schools and finally decided that we wanted to move to Oregon. We both wanted somewhere with seasons and a more laid back lifestyle. Oregon was perfect for us.

In May of 2010 I ran my first ever race, the Rock and Roll San Diego Marathon. I finished under 5 hours and experienced a sense of accomplishment that I thought I could never duplicate.

I spent the rest of the summer running countless other races and gearing up for our big move.

In late August of 2010, we drove from San Diego to Oregon with our puppy and kitten in tow. Little Harley Quinn is my little baby and we have a very codependent relationship. She enjoys biting and cuddling, often at the same time. She also likes attacking the dog.

Oy is a bit of a Daddy’s boy. He is a beagle/lab mix and probably the biggest baby on the planet.

We moved in to our new apartment in Corvallis, Oregon on September 1 and after a three week adjustment period, I began school at Oregon State University with a double major in Dietetics/Nutrition and Fitness. It is going to take me a bit longer than anticipated to graduate, but I have decided I am okay with it. I plan to graduate with my two Bachelor’s degrees and go on to pursue a dual Master’s/RD program. My hope is to use my degrees to help eating disorder victims in their recovery.

Since being in Oregon, I have ran my second marathon, the Portland Marathon. I didn’t manage to set a PR, but I finished, which is a great accomplishment in itself. I was cheered on by Steve, my Dad and my Stepmom, Twila, the greatest support team a person could ask for!

So far, Oregon has been perfect. We are completely happy and healthy and don’t have plans to leave any time soon.

My story is still being written. I write it in pencil and leave room for changes. I have stopped worrying about everything being perfect because I know that it already is. I am now a happy and healthy 125 pound athlete and I have my sights set on two marathons and two half marathons for 2011.

Thank you for stopping by. Enjoy!

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76 thoughts on “About Me

    • Thank you so much for your comment and support!
      People often don’t realize that you can’t just “snap out” of an ED, it is something that you struggle with on a daily basis even when you are on the road to recovery.
      My main goal is to realize that food wont kill you! I am beginning to full grasp that our bodies are unique and our curves don’t make us fat… they make us women!

  1. I am so proud of you my darling daughter! I know it took a lot of courage to share your experiences with eating disorders with the world. At the same time you have answered so many questions that I have had about that time in your life. We all knew something was going on but you would not talk when we worried about you out loud. I was really worried about you at times but somehow I knew that you were strong and smart enough that you would find your feet. I have so much to learn from you about food and my own body. Your blog is great! You write well and have interesting things to say. It is an insight into your daily life that I don’t always get. I don’t know about your mom (Oh Hi Beth!) but I will be reading it daily. Love ya always. Daddy

    • Thanks! I think it’s a pretty solid motto πŸ™‚
      By the way, I have been reading your blog for a while and I love it!

    • Thanks! Are you on WordPress? If so, click on “Appearance” on the left sidebar, then there will be a drop down with an option called “Header”, click on that and you will be able to upload your own picture. Good luck! Let me know if you need any help!

  2. Wow – I didn’t know. We saw your weight fluxuate, but figured it was normal. I never knew about the pain you were in. Its very brave and healthy to share your story. You will help so many by sharing your experience and your knowledge about nutrition(including me). I’m so proud of you !

  3. Good for you! I miss that So. Cal. weather. As a So. Cal. girl who moved to Seattle (crazy I know), my advice is be prepared for a change when you move to Oregon (I have friends in Portland who absolutely love it though) and start your Vitamin D supplements the minute you move πŸ˜‰

  4. So great of you to share your story…I’m glad that you have found your happy place and weight. It is nice to “meet” another Californian!

    I love your dad’s sweet comment…wish mine had an interest in reading what I write. You are a lucky girl. πŸ™‚

  5. Hey Camille, thanks for sharing your story…it resonates with my own in a number of ways… May you continue to find great joy in all you do, cook, and eat! πŸ™‚

  6. Thank you for sharing your story. I went through the same disorder and though my reasons differ from yours, I could still relate to much of what you said.

    • Thank you so much πŸ™‚
      I am so happy that people seem to be able to relate to my story… that was really my goal πŸ™‚

  7. Okay, let me be the last one to find this page! I have been reading the blog daily (so don’t say anything you might not want your mother to see, Camille) but only just discovered there was a page where absolutely everyone who is anyone has already written. I should probably have my mother’s license revoked! So, here is your mother just now showing up to tell you that I love your blog. At least I get to hear what is going on with you daily as… you never call me anymore…. Oy Vey! πŸ™‚ But seriously, I think the pictures are great and I have decided that after all these years of me not cooking for you, I’ll be coming over to your house to eat from now on.

    Love you with kisses and hugs,

    Mom

  8. I just stumbled upon your blog, Camille, and it is amazing. Count me in as a regular reader from now on. My mother has been dramatically overweight nearly her entire life, and my sister suffered from anorexia, so growing up, I constantly felt torn between wanting to show that I did not have an eating disorder (e.g., look how much chocolate I can eat) and wanting to avoid becoming overweight (since that is most likely my genetic predisposition). I am actually in graduate school now getting my PhD in clinical psychology and specializing in (not surprisingly) eating disorders, obesity, and binge eating.

    Anyway, sorry for the long, rambling comment, but I am so interested in learning more about your brave recovery and the delicious and real foods that you are fueling your body with now.

    ~Natasha

    • Natasha,
      Thank you so much, that is one of the nicest comments I have received πŸ™‚
      It must have been hard to have had to grow up turn between those two ends of the spectrum. You are quite brave too if I may say so πŸ™‚
      Camille

  9. Wow Camille! That was such a nice comment you made about me – I am speechless (and for those out in blogland – if you knew me you would know that that is really saying something!!). I think you already are amazing, strong and especially stubborn (HAHA).

    Your ever loving mom

  10. I just started a blog as well as starting to follow you. I know how you feel. I’ve been struggling for over 4 years with extream exercise calorie cutting aka anorexia. You are truly a role model to me.

  11. You have a really incredible story. It’s remarkable that you were able to recognize that you needed help and sought it out, because so many people with an ED don’t. You should be really proud of that. I look forward to following your story.

  12. Girl. I love your story! Thank you so much for sharing. I can’t imagine all that you went through but loved reading about your turning point and where you’re at in life now. Good luck to you..sounds like you’re going great places!!

  13. Hi Camille, I just came across your blog on my tag surfer and wanted to comment. Your story is very inspiring thanks so much for sharing, and I’ve read your most recent posts and really like what you have to say, I’m going to add you to the blogs I read everyday πŸ™‚

    Take care!

  14. Good for you Camille. I went thru a different but pretty similar journey as you; just different circumstances got me there. And you are so right..it’s a journey and some of the “illness” never leaves. For me it’s been years and I still have “days” where the old tapes kick in if life is causing me grief.

    I am glad you have this blog and such great family to support you!

    it’s nice to “meet” you. and that KITTEN… oh my goodness!

  15. First time coming to your blog! Found it through clicking links πŸ™‚ Hi!

    Your blog looks awesome and you seem like a fantastic, outgoing, hardworking person! Glad to have found your blog!

  16. I love your little manta “eat well. sweat hard. smile often”! & yes, everything is better with chocolate on top; very excited to have found your blog :o)

  17. I had a similar turning point, I was reading a health food blog and I realized how excited the writer was about food, and I wanted that. The next day I started my blog and began eating and being excited about food. Good job girl! I still have ‘bad’ days too but they are getting less frequent. I love what you wrote.

  18. Pingback: Let Me Explain « I Will Run For Chocolate

  19. Thank you for sharing your story so openly and honestly. I’m truly so happy for you and all that you’ve accomplished! As I was scrolling down to leave a comment and saw your dad’s comment, I got teary-eyed. I have a close relationship with my dad and he reads my blog, too – it’s also helped him understand more about my past with disordered eating. Thanks again for sharing and for all of your supportive comments on my blog. πŸ™‚

  20. Nice blog Camille! I found you via a comment on Eat Move Write and of course noticed we shared the same name and state, too funny! πŸ™‚ Anyway great blog, gonna add you to my blog reader now. πŸ™‚

  21. Pingback: Secret Santa came | Adventures in weight loss, cooking and life

  22. Welcome to Oregon! I’m from Seattle originally and moved to Portland 11 years ago. I love it here (except in the middle of winter when it’s just raining buckets every day).

  23. I just read that you are going to school for dietetics!! That is sooo exciting and I love reading blogs from RDs and RDs to be!!! I am so glad I found your blog! Let me know if you ever have questions about your internship apps. It is sooo tedious!

  24. Hi Camille! Thanks so much for sharing your story! What an inspiration! Your experiences really resonate with me…I too struggled with an eating disorder, and hope to use the passion and strength I gained in recovery to help others live healthy, balanced lives. I’m so excited to read more!

  25. I just found your blog! You have come so far, and your story is truly inspiring. It seems that we’ve had to deal with the same situations in high school and college. I look forward to reading!

  26. I just recently found your blog, and am loving it! I’m also in college, so it’s nice to read about someone else dealing with the college life and trying to be healthy!! πŸ™‚

  27. Thanks for sharing your story! I know your blog is helping other people. I also struggled with eating disorders/body image issues in my past and have finally come to a good place over the past 4-5 years. It’s inspiring to see people over come these feelings! While the some of the feelings never go away completely…living a healthy life helps tremendously.

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